Almost every family has heard a version of the same sentence.
'He'll outgrow it.'
'Ignore it. She'll stop.'
'It's just a habit.'
Sometimes they're talking about nail biting.
Sometimes thumb sucking.
Sometimes hair pulling.
Sometimes lip biting, skin picking or repeatedly twirling hair around tiny fingers.
Most of us have seen these behaviours often enough to stop noticing them. They become part of the child. Like a favourite toy or a particular way of laughing.
Until one day, the habit doesn't disappear.
It becomes stronger.
More frequent.
Almost as if it has quietly become the child's way of dealing with something they cannot explain.
Children have an interesting relationship with emotions.
Adults usually speak about them.
Children often do something with them.
Some hug a pillow.
Some become unusually quiet.
Some slam doors.
Some bite their nails until they hurt.
Not because they enjoy doing it.
Because, for a brief moment, the habit helps them manage a feeling they don't yet understand.
Perhaps that's why calling every repetitive behaviour 'just a bad habit' can sometimes make us miss the bigger picture.
The habit isn't always the problem.
Sometimes it's the clue.
I often wonder how different our conversations with children would be if, instead of asking, 'Why are you doing this again?' we asked, 'Has something been bothering you lately?'
The answers may surprise us.
Sometimes the child shrugs.
Sometimes they don't know.
Sometimes they say nothing at all.
That doesn't mean there isn't a story.
It simply means the story hasn't found words yet.
This is where habit disorders treatment becomes less about stopping a behaviour and more about understanding why the behaviour started in the first place.
Not every child who bites their nails or sucks their thumb needs medical treatment. Many habits are temporary and disappear as children grow. The concern arises when the behaviour becomes persistent, causes injury, interferes with daily life or seems to increase during periods of stress, anxiety or emotional change.
Looking only at the habit is a little like wiping water off the floor without checking where the leak is coming from.
The visible behaviour is important.
The reason behind it is even more important.
During an assessment, the conversation often goes far beyond the habit itself. Changes at home, school experiences, friendships, sleep patterns, emotional well-being and developmental milestones all become part of the picture. Sometimes reassurance is enough. Sometimes parents need guidance on responding differently. Sometimes structured habit disorders treatment, behavioural therapy or further psychiatric evaluation may be recommended.
Every child is different.
So is every habit.
Growing up in a busy city like Pune brings its own set of pressures. School expectations, extracurricular activities, changing family routines and increasing screen time all shape the way children respond to stress. What looks like 'just a habit' on the surface may sometimes be a child's quiet way of asking for help.
In her practice, Dr. Rujuta Latkar believes that repetitive behaviours should be understood before they are corrected. A child is never defined by a habit. Instead, the focus remains on understanding the emotional, behavioural and developmental factors that may be contributing to it, so that support is tailored to the child's individual needs rather than assumptions.
Perhaps children don't always choose the best ways to express what they're feeling.
Perhaps they simply choose the only ways they know.
And before we ask how to stop a habit, maybe we should first ask what that habit has been trying to say all along.
